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The 100 Parody, Season 2, Eps 1-5

Originally published at Sarah Rees Brennan. You can comment here or there.

Since I’d written the best part of several parodies on twitter, I decided to go the whole hog and put up a parody of the 100, season 2, episodes 1 to 5.

Enjoy, my doves! Here is a link to episodes 1-5 of Season 1 and Here is a link to the latter half of Season 1


THE 100, EPS 1-5

EP 1

CLARKE: I have awakened in a peaceful white room.
CLARKE: Time to smash the glass and TAKE A HOSTAGE with a glass shard!
HOSTAGE: Careful, I’m a teen cutie, bound to be someone’s love interest!
ARRAY OF ELDERLY FOLKS HAVING A TEA PARTY: Good gracious. A blood-covered lady taking a hostage with a glass shard! What a social faux pas!
CLARKE: I admit I did not expect the inside of the mountain to be a garden party.
MOUNTAIN FOLKS: Fetch the vicar!

MONTY: Clarke, Clarke!
JASPER: Clarke!
CLARKE: Babies. Subjects. Let me hold you. Your mom the queen is home and will brutally slay anyone who dares to hurt y–
JASPER: There’s awesome food here!
MONTY: Cake?
JASPER: Pie?
CLARKE: So everybody’s being nice to us, and we have pillows, and heating, and abundant delicious food?
CLARKE: … This is terrible.
CLARKE: Has nobody read Watership Down? In Watership Down, the protagonist rabbits reach a totally five-star burrow where they are made welcome and given rabbit delicacies and told to live there forever, and that turns out to be because it is a burrow where the rabbits are trapped and the men feed them and the rabbits have made a devil’s bargain! A RABBIT DEVIL BARGAIN, I say!
MONTY: …
JASPER: …
CLARKE: Bigwig almost dies!
JASPER: In the non-fancy parts of the spaceship they did not let us have luxuries such as books.
MONTY: Cake?
JASPER: Pie?

CLARKE: How are Finn and Bellamy?
JASPER: Bellamy is dead.
MONTY: … Who is Finn?
JASPER: Whoever that Finn guy is you mentioned is probably dead too.
MONTY: Cake?
JASPER: Pie?

BELLAMY: is not dead
AUDIENCE: The 100 have made a good decision this day.
BELLAMY: is running through the woods with a giant spear
AUDIENCE: Ah, classic Bellamy.

BELLAMY: Hello, tiny subjects I have found wandering in the woods.
TINY SUBJECTS: Hail to our king!
BELLAMY: I spy a mutant who has taken Finn captive! Let us fight them to release our comrade!
TINY SUBJECTS: … Who is Finn?
BELLAMY: You know, Finn! Good old Finn.
TINY SUBJECTS: Refresh our memory. What has he ever done?
BELLAMY: That’s not really Finn’s thing.
TINY SUBJECTS: Doing stuff?
BELLAMY: See! I told you that you knew him!

BELLAMY: I leap to your rescue Finn!
TINY SUBJECTS: I don’t know, boss, we don’t even know that guy…
BELLAMY: is brutally beaten and very disappointed in his tiny subjects
TINY SUBJECTS: To the king!
MUTANT: This is gonna go poorly for everyone.
SPACE VIZIER: *shoots him*
SPACE VIZIER: Bet you a million space dollars?
BELLAMY: Space vizier! This is amazing! You saved me and my tiny subjects! You saved Finn!
SPACE VIZIER: Who is Finn?
BELLAMY: It is so funny everyone is asking me that.
FINN: I am in this scene!
AUDIENCE: Classic Finn.

OCTAVIA: I am poisoned and seeing ghastly hallucinations.
LINCOLN: I go to my home, where I am a wanted criminal, to find you medicine!
ACTUAL MUTANT: I am not a ghastly hallucination, but more on that later!

CLARKE: Take me to your leader!
LEADER: I am an elderly and fancily dressed dude, fond of art, music and every other kind of culture and refined activity. Call me President Snowger Games. Trust me 100%.

BELLAMY: Now we escape the Space Vizier and return to the dropship and find our people!
FINN: That seems like a lot of work. But OK since Clarke’s there.

CLARKE: Why do you creepy people live underground like creepers?
PRESIDENT SNOWGER GAMES: You see the mutants who live on the ground are immune to radiation, and so are you space dudes, because of…?
CLARKE: …?
PRESIDENT SNOWGER GAMES: Well…
CLARKE: Solar radiation!
PRESIDENT SNOWGER GAMES: SOLAR RADIATION! Exactly. Exactly. That’s a thing, right? That’s totally a thing.
PRESIDENT SNOWGER GAMES: Phew that could’ve got very embarrassing.
PRESIDENT SNOWGER GAMES: Anyway we live underground because we are delicate snowflakes, allergic to radiation.
PRESIDENT SNOWGER GAMES: There! That all makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? Run along, cupcake!

MAYA, FORMERLY KNOWN AS CLARKE’S HOSTAGE: Pallid & Delicate Underground Flower Seeks Love Interest. Must enjoy: science experiments, believing everything I say, cake and also pie.
JASPER: Oh mama. It is Jasper’s lucky day!

MAYA: Heard you had a great chat with Snowgergames and you were going to stay in docile captivity from now on? Whoo, docile captivity!
JASPER: Cake?
MONTY: Pie?
CLARKE: Yay I love cake, pie and docile captivity.
CLARKE: … PSYCH! I hate all those things. I’m bustin outta here.

MEANWHILE, AT THE DROPSHIP: Murphy the Serial Killer stumbles upon the beautiful Raven, who immediately tries to shoot him because she is Perfect.
MURPHY: I know I shot you in the spine but have you ever considered my pain?
RAVEN: I can’t believe this gun’s out of bullets.
MURPHY: I have a tragic backstory. Let me tell you about it.
RAVEN: Let me transform my eyes into lasers and try shooting you with them.

BELLAMY: Murphy, you betrayed my people and SHOT THE PEERLESS RAVEN and I am going to kill you in the face!
MURPHY: bwrfvavgnszi!
BELLAMY: WELCOME TO MURDER TOWN.
FINN: I’m just standing here not doing a thing.
FINN: … Classic me. Did you miss me, you wily audience minxes? I know you did.

MONTY: We would come with you, Clarke, but…
JASPER: Cake!
MONTY: Also pie.
CLARKE: flees through myriad chambers of the mountain.
AUDIENCE: Watch out Clarke, there could be a dragon. I mean, he’ll be voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch, it won’t be SO bad…

SPACE VIZIER: Bellamy Blake! ur under arrest young man.
FINN: Uh… Murphy did, IDK, kill some people, I guess? And I think—shot that girl? I’m pretty sure we used to date. Her face is very familiar to me.
SPACE VIZIER: Arrest that guy for, oh, murdering folks, I guess.
SPACE VIZIER: But also still arrest that other guy for beating him up. And also for his insubordinate rebel leader face.
SPACE VIZIER: And leave Finn alone. He is whole in body and has done no crimes. In fact, he has done nothing at all. Which is exactly right. Please try to follow Finn’s example, class.
FINN: Everything’s coming up FINN!
BELLAMY: You are not doing much to help me.
FINN: You’re surprised?

JASPER: For God’s sake Clarke, don’t open the large door to the outside world when it is just the two of us alone in a sealed chamber! You will kill all the helpless Mountain People, who are pallid, sketchy and well-dressed, but who have given me cake!
CLARKE: …
JASPER: AND PIE.
CLARKE: Okay, anything for one of my baby subjects.
MOUNTAIN MEN: ur under arrest young lady.

BELLAMY & CLARKE, SEPARATELY: *led off in handcuffs*
BELLAMY & CLARKE, SEPARATELY: F the police.

CLARKE’S MOM WRITES ON DROPSHIP: COME HOME CLARKE!
BELLAMY: It’s funny someone wrote on the spaceship what is written on my heart.

SPACE PRESIDENT: Alone in space, drinkin.
SPACE PRESIDENT: Do I hear a baby crying?
SPACE PRESIDENT: … Man, this liquor is the good stuff.

MONTY: It’s so cool President Snowger Games let you out of chokey and sent you a sketchbook, Clarke!
JASPER: Man, sketchbooks and cake and pie. So glad you’ve embraced docile captivity, Clarke. It is the coolest.
CLARKE: Imma take my sketchbook and sketch myself an escape plan.
CLARKE: Imma take my sketchbook and kill a man, maybe.
CLARKE: Murder princess out!
JASPER: Monty, has it ever struck you that Clarke is not a restful person?

EP 2

CLARKE: Freedom! Seriously, has nobody else read Watership Down?
MILLER: I have!
CLARKE: Miller! Bellamy’s lieutenant! You’re my only hope!
MILLER: I don’t remember it super well. I think there were hamsters in it.
CLARKE: … They were rabbits, Miller.
JASPER: But have u tried the snacks though? Think about the snacks.
JASPER: I would betray u for a hot cup of cocoa.
JASPER: Actually we all would.
CLARKE: Sigh. Enjoy ur completely predictable betrayal by your mysterious underground captors, jackasses.

AUDIENCE: For Christ’s sake wash Bellamy’s face.
THE 100: No, we will keep his face a mask of blood until you love Finn!
AUDIENCE: Sigh. Enjoy ur mask, Bellamy.

BELLAMY: Release me from prison!
FINN: Can’t. Allergic to doing stuff.
BELLAMY: That’s not a thing!
FINN: Sorry, I think I hear Offscreen Plotlessness calling…
BELLAMY: Why am I even in prison and you are not when we are both criminals?
FINN: Well you attacked a murderer and I performed my usual classy move of standing around staring vacantly into space, so…
FINN: Plus you have to have noticed, I am white, so…

CLARKE’S MOM: Raven if u do not have surgery u will never walk again. But if u do u might die. Also we have no anesthetic and cutting into your spine seems traumatic. For me.
FINN: I suggest not doing anything. Please let’s all just do nothing! PLEASE.
RAVEN: Cut me!

MURPHY: Ah, Raven screaming in surgery. That was me.
BELLAMY: Yes, I know. You shot her.
MURPHY: I mean I was tortured by the Grounders. My suffering was enormous. Let me tell you about i-
BELLAMY: Your absorbing interest in ur own pain while a woman you shot screams in agony is v. uninteresting.
BELLAMY: I don’t like u and. I don’t like ur face.
BELLAMY: … also remember when u peed on a guy and then murdered him?
BELLAMY: Also remember when you hanged me?
MURPHY: Bellamy plz stop bringing up all these embarrassing details when I want a redemption arc.
BELLAMY: YOU ARE SO MUCH WORSE THAN FINN.
MURPHY: Who is Finn?

CLARKE: Release me from my prison!
JASPER: no ur a loser.
JASPER: ur ruining this for me. There is pie and I could get laid.
JASPER: I hate u.
CLARKE: I saw a man with a bullet wound, that must have come from our people! I am a murder princess, I know what a bullet wound looks like!
JASPER: ur not a murder princess. ur a loser.

BELLAMY: Release me from prison!
SPACE VIZIER: no ur a loser.
BELLAMY: I must find my people I am their king!
SPACE VIZIER: NO UR A LOSER.

SPACE VIZIER: I am sure I will keep these filthy mutants in place because I am an awesome leader. Unlike you.
BELLAMY: I got guns from a storage facility where…
SPACE VIZIER: Went there already and we found MORE guns you didn’t find. Ur the worst leader ever.
BELLAMY: Wow are you telling me adult trained military personnel perform better search parties than two super high children trying to escape an assassin? You shock me, sir. What a burn on me.
BELLAMY: I mean, I hate myself. I blame myself. I failed my people. Plz search for them.

SPACE PRESIDENT: I found a baby in a filing cabinet!
SPACE PRESIDENT: I’m going to ride inside a space torpedo with this baby 2 earth.
SPACE PRESIDENT: THIS PLAN CAN’T FAIL.

SPACE VIZIER: our camp is 100% secure.
SEVERAL SOLDIERS: *get crucified*
CRUCIFIED SOLDIERS: What a burn on you, Space Vizier.

CLARKE: Why do all u ppl who live in a mountain have sockets built into ur chests?
PRESIDENT SNOWMOUNTAIN: Not for any sinister reason, that is 4 SURE.
PRESIDENT SNOWMOUNTAIN: … Is this your idea of pleasant brunch conversation?
CLARKE: OK let’s talk about corpses.
PRESIDENT SNOWMOUNTAIN: You are putting me off my French toast.

CLARKE’S MOM: Plz search for our missing children.
SPACE VIZIER: I totally will, except I totally have my fingers crossed.
CLARKE’S MOM: I can see them.
SPACE VIZIER: I meant to put them behind my back. My bad.

DUDES IN AUTHORITY: keep women and people of colour imprisoned and lie to them.
AUDIENCE: Keen social commentary with babes, the 100, carry on.

JASPER: Clarke if u keep being a busybody u will get kicked out.
MILLER: That seems true.
CLARKE: Minions, I am disappointed in you.
CLARKE: Also, get kicked out? All I do is try to leave and everybody begs me not to open the door! UR NOT MAKING ANY SENSE.
JASPER: There’s a pillow fight in half an hour!
CLARKE: Curse the pillow fights and pink fuzzy jumpers of the oppressor!

SPACE PRESIDENT: omg the space baby was a space hallucination!
WELLS: So am I.
AUDIENCE: WELLS! WELCOME BACK. WE HAVE NO QUESTIONS. NEVER LEAVE.
WELLS: On your feet dad. Be there for your people. The only ones who care about leadership in this show are teens. Even in death, I am cooler than u.
SPACE PRESIDENT: I love my dead socially responsible son!
AUDIENCE: Don’t go Wells! DEPRIVE THE SPACE PRESIDENT OF OXYGEN SOME MORE. BRING BACK WELLS 2K14!
AUDIENCE: Seeing Wells again made it clear what a mistake it was to off him and what potential he had as a charac–
SPACE PRESIDENT: I wake up in a space missile in a desert beside the Brooklyn Bridge.
AUDIENCE: Good for you, space dictator.

CLARKE’S MOM: Raven you are paralysed in one leg from the knee down.
RAVEN: Is that how spinal injuries wor-
CLARKE’S MOM: Sure is!

FINN: Raven, you’re awake and partially paralysed after an excruciating surgery. Allow me to gently neg you.
RAVEN: u charmer. Get outta here and save the rest of the cast.
FINN: Raven no.
FINN: Raven you can’t. You can’t ask me to…
RAVEN: I am!
FINN: … do a thing…
RAVEN: I will!
FINN: Noooooooooooooooo!

FINN: Bellamy, I’m bustin you out of jail.
BELLAMY: Finn! This is so unexpected!
FINN: Raven made me.
BELLAMY: Finn! Now I understand!

LINCOLN’S BUDDY: I feed you medicine. Lincoln has been kidnapped, best give up on that guy.
OCTAVIA: I never give up on abs. I kidnap you and force the Grounder Queen to exchange hostages.
GROUNDER QUEEN: Noooo, Lincoln’s Buddy is a super valuable hostage.
OCTAVIA: Uh… thanks for telling me…
LINCOLN: Reunited, and it feels so goo…
LINCOLN: *unexpectedly re-kidnapped, along with his buddy, by band of marauding cannibals*
LINCOLN & HIS BUDDY: It has not been our day.

BELLAMY: I’m takin’ Murphy and will get grounders’ location out of him.
FINN: Bellamy no.
BELLAMY: We gotta get weapons.
FINN: Bellamy stop.
BELLAMY: I am a whirlwind of doing stuff!
FINN: BELLAMY PLEASE.

CLARKE’S MOM: Hi teens, I send you off on a dangerous search and rescue mission! Will be chillin here. Have some guns.
MILLER’S DAD: Also more guns!
FINN: Help meeeee….
BELLAMY: Guns! Sah-weet!

CLARKE: I think they are performing sinister medical experiments in this mountain! How to get put in infirmary?
CLARKE: Silly me, just have to rip apart my deep stitches with a large rusty shard of metal! What a silly billy muffin I am to be sure. Haha, blood everywhere, gristly sound effects, my plans are 100% gold.

CLARKE: Just gotta gouge my own arm.
CLARKE: Just gotta rip off a manhole with bare hands…
CLARKE: Just gotta climb to a metal room where they keep the Grounders in cages and siphon their blood.
CLARKE: I am a whirlwind of doing stuff!
VICTIMS: *hanging upside down being drained of their blood*
MORE VICTIMS, INCLUDING GROUNDER PRINCESS: *in cages awaiting their turn*
CLARKE: … Wow everyone in the mountain is a vampire?!
CLARKE: I was not expecting that!

CLARKE: Do you think the Mountain Men making know about blood types, and that transfusions are not generally done via chest socket?
GROUNDER PRINCESS: Plz just get me out of this damn cage.

EP 3

CLARKE: We’ll escape together. Just right out this chute and into a—oh my god, a cart full of dead bodies! Holy crap, cannibals! Oh no, we’re being chased by dudes with guns!
PRINCESS, WHO NOW SHE IS CLARKE’S SOLE SCREEN COMPANION SHALL BE KNOWN AS ANYA: Space wuss.

ANYA: All we have to do is hide in this perfectly nice corpse container.
CANNIBALS: I spy our lunchbox!
CLARKE: … It is time to go now.

SPACE VIZIER: So you let Bellamy escape with several guns, which might have come in useful, and Finn, who… is camp property and we’ll find a use for him one day. UNACCEPTABLE.
CLARKE’S MOM: What are you going to do about it?
SPACE VIZIER: Nothing!
BLONDE SOLDIER: *whisper whisper*
SPACE VIZIER: I MEAN, have you flogged with a space whip! In compliance with space law.
CLARKE’S MOM: I thought we just executed everybody who did any crime in space.
SPACE VIZIER: … Do you wanna be executed?
CLARKE’S MOM: I’m going with no.
SPACE VIZIER: Good call.

MURPHY: Walking through the woods tied up is uncomfortable!
FINN: Aw, buddy, I’ll free you.
BELLAMY: Finn, he shot Raven.
FINN: Quit living in the past, Bellamy. Why can’t we all get along? Let’s be bros. Let’s be forest bros!
MURPHY: Can I have a gun, bro?
BELLAMY: Serial killer says what?
MURPHY: What?
BELLAMY: That’s why you can’t have a gun!
FINN: He’s way harsh, isn’t he? I know how it is, bro.
MURPHY: Excuse me, do I know you?
MURPHY: *whispers* I want Bellamy to be my bro.

CLARKE: That way!
ANYA: Can’t hear you over the sound of my solo escape.
MOUNTAIN MEN: There you are, Clarke! We’re disappointed in you, and considering temporarily confiscating your sketchbook and your fuzzy pink jumper.
CLARKE: Die underground vampires, die!
ANYA: I leap to assist you! And then I leap off a waterfall!
CLARKE: I can’t swim…
ANYA: Space wuss.
CLARKE: NOBODY CALLS THE MURDER PRINCESS A SPACE WUSS.
CLARKE: *leaps*

CLARKE’S MOM: *tied to a post, whipped with a sizzling space whip*
SPACE VIZIER: This hurts me more than it hurts you!
CLARKE’S MOM: Bet you one million space dollars?

FINN: That’s Clarke’s watch. It was her father’s before hers and is of immense emotional significance to my lady.
BELLAMY: Murder princesses do not give stuff up without a fight.
FINN: I can’t believe I’m about to say this but…
FINN: DO SOMETHING.
FINN: … Something has broken within me as I say those words.

OCTAVIA: Hello, mutant queen? Can I come with you and rescue my sweetie?
MUTANT QUEEN: You took one of our people hostage last episode! KILL HER.
OCTAVIA: Okay I’ll come along behind!
OCTAVIA: I just thought it would be cool to go together. But it’s whatever.

MONTY: Jasper, where’s Clarke?
JASPER: I dunno, but here is cake!
JASPER: And here is pie!
MONTY: I don’t know. Suddenly I’m feeling… not that hungry.
JASPER: Monty, you’re upsetting me.

BELLAMY: *tackles and captures mutant*
FINN: Let’s take the mutant to Clarke’s and my sex bomb shelter and question him!
BELLAMY: *questions him*
MUTANT: I don’t know where they are, I found this watch on the ground.
AUDIENCE: It’s true!
BELLAMY: It could be true?
FINN: TORCHER HIM.
BELLAMY: That time I tortured my sister’s boyfriend turned out real awkward.
FINN: *PISTOLWHIPS TIED-UP GUY*
BELLAMY: JESUS FINN SETTLE.
FINN: *points a gun at Bellamy*
BELLAMY: *wrestles Finn into submission*
MUTANT: Uh, I guess Clarke and the others went that way.
MURPHY: Better kill him.
BELLAMY: Murphy!
MURPHY: *cackles* What? I am a serial killer. Love me.
BELLAMY: No, Murphy.
MURPHY: Is that a no on the killing or on the lov-
BELLAMY: BOTH. I sense that the murder princess would not let her people kill a helpless prisoner, like I sense she specifically did that in the last episode of last season. THEREFORE, we are not executing a tied-up prisoner. Come at me. Try to come through me. Come on. Fight me.
GUN: Bang bang.
FINN: I shot him dead! I luv Clarke. Let’s go find her.
MURPHY: Finn I am stunned!
BELLAMY: FINN YOU ARE GROUNDED.

MUTANTS: use Octavia as bait
OCTAVIA: That’s cool. I just wanted to be part of the gang.
MUTANTS: beat up the cannibals
OCTAVIA: saves the Mutant Queen
MUTANT QUEEN: And now we free the prisoners!
OCTAVIA: But where is the sexiest prisoner of all?
MUTANT QUEEN: I guess they ate him already.
OCTAVIA: Oh Lincoln, Lincoln, why did you have to be so magically delicious?

SPACE VIZIER: One more thing?
CLARKE’S MOM: Are you going to execute me?
SPACE VIZIER: I have to go make peace with the mutants so I’m making you president! Do you have whiplash?
SPACE VIZIER: Oooh, unfortunate turn of words. My B.
CLARKE’S MOM: … Aren’t you glad you undermined my authority as the new president by having me whipped in front of all those people?
SPACE VIZIER: Can’t hear you over the sound of my new mission. Gotta go. Byeeeeeee.

CLARKE: Oh my god, Anya, we’re alive!
ANYA: I express joy by hitting you over the head with a rock and making you my captive.
CLARKE: … That is not our custom in space.
ANYA: Space wuss.

DASTARDLY STRANGERS: Ah captives for our dastardly experimentations!
DASTARDLY STRANGERS: … Bring us the hottie.
LINCOLN: My life would be so much less complicated if I was just a little bit less cute.

EP 4

SPACE PRESIDENT: Here I am on earth! Very sandy.
DESERT MUTANTS: Hello. Enjoy some bugs.
SPACE PRESIDENT: What a cute radiation-touched face your son has.
SPACE PRESIDENT: Reminds me of my Wells…
AUDIENCE: Quit rubbing it in, Space President!
DESERT MUTANTS: In vengeance, we sell you to more plot-adjacent mutants.

ANYA: Come, my captive, we must evade the Mountain Men! First we cover ourselves with mud! Damn, they’re still tracking us. Time to kill you, I guess.
CLARKE: Not to get all technologically superior on you, but maybe you’re wearing a tracker?
ANYA: Oh yeah.
CLARKE: Let me just cut that-
ANYA: Imma bite it out. No big.
CLARKE: …
ANYA: Thanks about that tracker tip, girl. Haha, imagine if I’d murdered you for no reason. Boy, would my face be red.

MAYA: You know what I like in a man? An exposed jugular.
JASPER: I am so excited to have met a cool girl like you!
MONTY: Could I have a word…?
JASPER: Monty! Let a playah play.

MONTY: Very concerned about Clarke’s whereabouts.
JASPER: The Mountain Men say she’s crazy and they had to institutionalize her.
MONTY: !!!!
JASPER: Story checks out. Clarke killed a BUNCH of people, Monty.
MONTY: Jasper! Clarke killed a bunch of people… for us.
JASPER: Cake?
JASPER: Pie?

CLARKE: Wait, Anya, did you see—me stabbing you in the neck with a dart coming?
CLARKE: Looks like no.

REDSHIRT: My friend cliff lady is down there on the cliff! I go get her.
FINN: Leave her to die.
REDSHIT: Splat.

BELLAMY: … Imma go get her.
FINN: Consider this: not doing anything. Leaving her to die?
BELLAMY: *rappels using a makeshift seatbelt rope*
MURPHY: don’t worry, Bellamy. I won’t drop you.
MAKESHIFT SEATBELT ROPE: breaks, obviously
MURPHY: *seizes it by his lonesome*
BELLAMY: Wow is this a relief. I totally thought Murphy was being sarcastic.
WITH SOME EFFORT AND ARROWS FLYING, BELLAMY AND CLIFF LADY: are pulled up. Serial Killer saves the day!
CLIFF LADY: THANK YOU FINN. U SAVED ME. THANK YOU.
FINN: I didn’t really do anything.
FINN: But in my experience the ladies are way into that.
FINN: If that’s what gets your motor running…
FINN: Baby, I’m your man.
MURPHY: *long look at Bellamy*
BELLAMY: Huh.

OCTAVIA: Guess who saved you from the mutants shooting arrows.
OCTAVIA: I’ll give you one clue, it starts with ‘Octavia’ and ends with ‘is awesome’!
BELLAMY: OCTAVIA! Hug me, girl!
BELLAMY: I have been hanging out with these losers for days!
OCTAVIA: Hahaha sounds like torture.
BELLAMY: It was real bad. Finn tortured a guy! The redshirts abandoned me one time! And I’m starting to think the serial killer has a crush on me!
OCTAVIA: Hahaha, losers.
MURPHY: Hey!
OCTAVIA: You shot Raven.
CLIFF LADY: Hey!
OCTAVIA: You fell off a cliff like a loser.
REDSHIRT: Hey!
OCTAVIA: You got shot in the leg like a failboat.
FINN: Hey!
OCTAVIA: I don’t even know who you are, man.
FINN: We flirted in the pilot?
OCTAVIA: I’ve done a lot of stuff since the pilot.
FINN: What you’re saying is distasteful to me in the extreme!

BELLAMY: I’m going back to camp to get these ladies medical attention.
FINN: F u and your ‘missions’ of ‘mercy’, I’m gonna find Clarke.
BELLAMY: k. Good luck with that. Hope you do.
MURPHY: I’m gonna go with Finn because I think they might unjustly put me back in jail for being a serial killer.
FINN: Glad to have you, buddy.
BELLAMY: Wait.
MURPHY: Parting is such sweet sorrow.
BELLAMY: Huh.
BELLAMY: … Anyway, take this gun. Bring back my princess and my people. Do a thing. I’m counting on you!

CLARKE: I drag my captive back to camp!
CLARKE: I espy a blurred message written on a spaceship!
CLARKE: ‘Clarke doom comes?’ Is this the script for season three? It’s very blurred but it does seem plausible…
ANYA: I attack you!
AUDIENCE: Whoo, chick fight!
TWO PEOPLE IN FUNCTIONAL CLOTHING: battle viciously to the death
AUDIENCE: … Ladies, this is so violent…
ANYA: tries to choke Clarke
AUDIENCE: Ladies, settle down…
CLARKE: bashes Anya over the head with a skull
AUDIENCE: Sometimes we think terrible physical trauma isn’t sexy at all.

RAVEN: Bummed to be paralyzed in one leg, but determined to be a whirlwind of doing stuff nonetheless! Mission locate all possible space and delinquent personnel is a go!
RAVEN: Also, unlike everyone else who are covered in mud and blood which has mixed to form a strawberry jam-like substances, I am keeping my face meticulously clean.
AUDIENCE: This is Raven Reyes’s face. Finn, Bellamy, Clarke and Murphy do not have Raven Reyes’s face, sadly for them. But they could make an effort.

SPACE BUDDY: Hi, audience, do you remember me from season one where the Space Vizier found me stuck in a door? Raven, do you remember me from our previous apparent friendly rivalry?
RAVEN: Sure, but get lost, I’m busy.
SPACE BUDDY: I could help?
RAVEN: Boy… help?
SPACE BUDDY, ALSO KNOWN AS WICK: I made you a brace for your leg!
RAVEN: Boy… do things?
WICK: I respect your right to try to climb a tower and realize the extent of your own physical limitations on your own!
RAVEN: This idea of boys doing stuff is new to me, I’m a little flustered!
RAVEN: … wait, I’ve just had a brilliant idea to make a balloon beacon to lead Clarke home!

CLARKE: I follow Raven’s beacon home, and let you go, Anya.
ANYA: I take it all back, Clarke! You’re not a space wuss at all.
CLARKE: Let us make peace between our people.
AUDIENCE: Anya no. Anya, don’t offer to help solve a protagonist’s plot problems!
ANYA: … DONE.
ANYA: *is immediately shot dead by Space Soldiers, who drag Clarke away*

EP 5

SNOWGER GAMES: Welcome to my inner sanctum, Jasper. I hear you have some questions about Clarke.
JASPER: It’s more Monty, really.
SNOWGER GAMES: Sure, but you seem a lot more…
JASPER: Nerdily appealing?
SNOWGER GAMES: … Gullible.

SPACE VIZIER: Just because I’m leading a dangerous mission into hostile territory, can I not have some private time with my plantpot?!
RANDO SOLDIER: Uh, the prisoner’s being recalcitrant.
SPACE VIZIER: Nah, he seems like a cool guy. I think, given the fact we captured him and tied him up for days, my last-minute effort to be friends is going to go great. Right, mutant buddy?
MUTANT BUDDY: *murder eyes*
SPACE VIZIER: This is gonna be awesome.

SPACE SOLDIERS: *drag Clarke into camp*
CLARKE’S MOM: Wait, that’s my daughter!
BLONDE SOLDIER: Well, in fairness, these delinquents are just not washing their faces. Have you seen that Bellamy kid? He has been up to the eyebrows in strawberry jam for days.
CLARKE’S MOM: Step off, who made you the hygiene police?

CLARKE: Mom, I thought you were dead!
CLARKE’S MOM: No honey, just a bunch of other people. Mostly unnamed characters.
CLARKE: Mom, are Finn and Bellamy dead?
CLARKE’S MOM: No, cupcake! They have names.
CLARKE: I break down and cry with relief.
AUDIENCE: Oh Clarke baby I’m sorry your life is an apocalyptic hellscape.
AUDIENCE: We’re glad your loved ones are alive.
AUDIENCE: Even Finn!
SARAH: … Well, let’s not get carried away.

JASPER: So President Snowger Games said I could go find Clarke, but I dunno, I’m not really feeling it.
MONTY: Jasper! Do you remember the WWCD bracelet Bellamy used to wear? Do you remember what those initials stood for?
JASPER: No.
MONTY: What Would Clarke Do? Words to live by! We must save the murder princess.
JASPER: I have doubts.
MAYA: OMG it’s conveniently timed face-melting o’clock!
JASPER: OMG we must save Maya!
MONTY: Knock knock.
JASPER: Who’s there?
MONTY: Judging u.

MOUNTAIN DOCTOR: Uh, we could try a totally experimental, new and never-used-before procedure whereby we give Maya all Jasper’s blood!
MONTY: But what about blood types?
JASPER: I’m in.
MONTY: But why do you have all the equipment ready for this experimental procedure?
JASPER: Do it. I don’t wanna be single in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.
MONTY: I’m not a doctor, but my diagnosis is… BS.
DOCTOR: How’s about you go to the waiting room, Monty?
MONTY’S REACTION
AUDIENCE: Mount Weather is now known as Monty Weather. Save Monty!

AUDIENCE: A vampire in a velvet smoking jacket has strapped Lincoln to an Ab Table so he can admire his abs! … Proceed, vampire.
AUDIENCE: Oh no, he’s shooting him up as part of a bizarre experiment. It wasn’t the abs at all. Vampire, we feel betrayed.
AUDIENCE: Oh now he’s got Lincoln and another… guy of colour… um, fighting to the death for drugs. That and the experimenting. Whoa.
AUDIENCE: Why so racist, vampire?
DR VAMPIRE: I’m a villain, so…
LINCOLN: Why am I always shirtless and tortured? Is it the abs? Am I absking for it?

CLARKE: *wakes up* Up and at ’em! Time to find my friends and my people! Man, I can’t believe I slept for ten hours after jumping off a waterfall and fighting to the death and getting knocked around by the military! What a lazybones, haha, am I right?
CLARKE’S MOM: Honey, slow down—
CLARKE’S MOM: Honey, stop—
CLARKE: No offence Mom, but have you met me?

RAVEN: Clarke! I was waiting outside all night.
CLARKE: *hugs* Because we’re a true sromance.
RAVEN: Sros 4 lyfe.
CLARKE: Sympathies on your leg.
RAVEN: Dealing with it awesomely. Am awesome.
CLARKE: Most beautiful and brilliant lady in the apocalyptic wasteland says what?
RAVEN: What!

GATES: *open*
SOLDIERS: seize Bellamy’s weapon because he is a delinquent
SOLDIERS: leave Octavia armed to the teeth because she is a lady

CLARKE: BELLAMY!
RAVEN: Cool, and Octavia and Monroe!
CLARKE: BELLamy?
RAVEN: … I see you need a moment.
CLARKE: *nods* Bellamy.
RAVEN: Go on, you.

SPACE PEEPS: Whoa that lady is GOING like a freight train of love set on a collision course! Who will she collide with?
CLARKE: Choo choo!
SPACE PEEPS: Now she is LEAPING like a lioness on an antelope! Who is that shocked but delighted antelope?
BELLAMY: … it me?

CLARKE: BELLAMY!
BELLAMY: M-m-m-murder princess?

BELLAMY: I have never been hugged by murder royalty before!
BELLAMY: This is such an honour. I’m not sure where to put my hands! Is it cool if I embrace you?
CLARKE: *nuzzling*
BELLAMY: I’m going to take that as a yes.
BELLAMY: I have no words.
BELLAMY: Except that, in the words of one of our ancient and most revered prophets, oh sinking ships/you came back just in time/this love is good/this love is bad/this love is alive/back from the dead/murder princess murdered free/this love came back to me…
OCTAVIA: What up, nerd, people are staring. And pointing. And holding up scorecards.
BELLAMY: Octavia PLEASE let me have this. Besides, I am laughing into a murder princess’s hair, so joke’s on YOU.

CLARKE: Octavia, hurrah! Hugs for you also!
OCTAVIA: Haha, you’re not hugging me like you hugged BELLAMY. Of course, if you did I would topple backwards and we’d be rolling in the dirt.
BELLAMY (muttering): Curse my stalwart physique…

BELLAMY: Princess, did you murder our people free?
CLARKE: No, we have to get on that. Wait, it’s just occurred to me something’s missing…?
BELLAMY: … well…
CLARKE: Something…?
BELLAMY: … if you wanted, we could kiss a little…?
CLARKE: I meant Finn.
BELLAMY: I don’t know how to say this any more strongly. WHO’S FINN?
CLARKE: …
BELLAMY: Oh right. No, I remember. Oh wow, I sent him off into the woods with a serial killer. And I gave the serial killer a gun!
BELLAMY: … Sometimes I still have bad ideas.

CLARKE: Okay enough hugging, time to rescue Finn from a) mutants b) Murphy c) himself!
CLARKE’S MOM: Can I see you alone for a minute, Clarke?
RAVEN & OCTAVIA: *leave*
CLARKE’S MOM: *coughs* Bellamy?
BELLAMY: Hmmm?
CLARKE’S MOM: Leave, Bellamy.
BELLAMY: … I can’t. We’re married.
CLARKE’S MOM: WHAT?
CLARKE: What?
BELLAMY: What.

CLARKE: We’re not married, Mom. But he does have to be with me at all times because we have a close bond of co-leadership forged in blood. It’s platonic. It’s normal.
CLARKE’S MOM: Yeah, congratulations on being normal, kids.
CLARKE’S MOM: Well here’s the thing, how about we don’t rescue Finn and Murphy?
CLARKE’S MOM: I can’t say I find them to be compelling characters.
CLARKE: Mom we can’t just abandon our subjects because they’re not compelling characters!
BELLAMY: ’Sright. Also you did send a team of armed delinquent children to find other children the other day.
CLARKE’S MOM: Yes, I sent some gross janitor guy and a bunch of other dirty faces off to find MY child, I’m not going to send my precious baby after randoms!
BELLAMY: Babe, I am 100% committed to our marriage…
CLARKE: We’re not married.
BELLAMY: … But I gotta tell you, I don’t like my mother-in-law.

CLARKE’S MOM: I gotta go. Clarke, sweetheart, I’m sorry to say I have to leave you alone in a tent with this muscular bad boy, and I guess you’re going to do… whatever unfortunate things you’re going to do.
BELLAMY: That was uncanny.
BELLAMY: How did she know that as soon as she left, we were going to plot to break out and steal weapons?
BELLAMY: So weird.
CLARKE: Uh… sure. That’s totally… what she meant. Let’s get going.
BELLAMY: Wait. Those three little words. I have to hear them from you.
CLARKE: … We need guns?
BELLAMY: I’ve missed us.

RAVEN: Plot Accomplishers, assemble! Here are your weapons.
OCTAVIA: I get weapons and you can’t stop me, Bellamy.
BELLAMY: Wasn’t gonna.
OCTAVIA: Glad our relationship has become more mature, respectful and accepting of me gettin’ some play and doin’ some murders, bro!
BELLAMY: Izzy wizzy wuzzums. Who’s a little murder princess in training? Is it you? It is!
RAVEN: This boy Wick is de-electrifying the electric fences because I asked him to.
CLARKE: Oooooh girl.
RAVEN: I know right, boys doing stuff, still getting used to it!

FINN: Let’s get those mutants and make them talk! They’re hiding our friends in this place.
MURPHY: How do I describe this place? Little town./It’s a quiet village./Every day./Like the one before… By which I mean, they are not hiding hostages in the sugar bowl!
FINN: They COULD be.
FINN: You don’t KNOW.
MURPHY: You’re real new to doing stuff, huh?

SPACE VIZIER: You guys all go away, so that I can go on alone with my mutant buddy, and free his hands, and I can singlehandedly make peace and have a picnic with the mutants!
SPACE VIZIER: Mutant picnic! I CANNOT WAIT.
MUTANT BUDDY: *knocks him out*
MUTANT BUDDY: *throws him in a pit*
SPACE VIZIER: … this is not buddies.

CLARKE’S MOM: Did you let Clarke go off to do plot?
RAVEN: Uh-huh.
CLARKE’S MOM: *slaps Raven*
AUDIENCE: Not wanting to find Murphy and Finn is understandable.
AUDIENCE: BUT FOR SOME CRIMES THE ONLY PUNISHMENT IS DEATH.
CLARKE’S MOM: She’s my little girl.
RAVEN: Well, this is just a guess. But maybe, when you handed her father in to die…
RAVEN: And got her imprisoned and sent down to a hostile planet…
RAVEN: Where she fought and killed to survive…
RAVEN: And became murderous queen of a band of feral children…
RAVEN: I’m just saying, these life experiences might have changed her.
RAVEN: Maybe. Just a thought. Raven out!

BELLAMY: *gazes lovingly at his sister sleeping by firelight*
BELLAMY: *gazes lovingly at his murder princess sleeping by firelight*
CLARKE: Hey.
BELLAMY: If I eventually tear my eyes away from you for .01 seconds then resume my loving staring, that’s normal, right?
CLARKE: Congratulations on being so normal, Bellamy.

BELLAMY: Remember when you left me to die?
CLARKE: I’m sorr-
BELLAMY: *tender look* I have never loved you more.

BELLAMY: I’m the one who’s sorry! You left a perfectly good Finn in my care, and I TRIED to take care of him, and I learned his name and everything, but—he has gone all wrong. He’s doing things.
CLARKE: That doesn’t sound like Finn!
BELLAMY: Things like murder. The bad kind. I’m pretty sure.
BELLAMY: I don’t know, maybe I’m a bad leader. Maybe I should have washed his face more.
CLARKE: We all make bad hygiene decisions in the apocalypse, Bellamy.

BELLAMY: What I’m trying to say is, girl, I respect your leadership decisions and believe wholeheartedly that you are a truly good person, despite your doubts in yourself in dark and desperate times.
CLARKE: Bellamy, I feel the same way about you.
BELLAMY: You do?
CLARKE: I do!
BELLAMY: MARRIED. No takesie backsies.
OCTAVIA: I can’t sleep any more because you guys keep doing your gross leadership talk when I am right here.
BELLAMY: OCTAVIA PLEASE. I want the murder princess to think I am COOL.
OCTAVIA: Let’s go find Whatshisface. Man, I miss my Lincoln. BELLAMY: Don't be sad. Love you.
OCTAVIA: Reunions are so great.
AUDIENCE: AGREED.

FINN: Tell us where my girlfriend is, hapless hostages!
MURPHY: Hostages, I am sorry. You’re embarrassed, hostages. I’m embarrassed. Finn’s being embarrassing. He’s like that drunk persistent guy you bring to a party, except he has a machine gun.
FINN: Tell me or I kill you all!
MURPHY: I swear, I barely know him. It’s just he’s my ride home, you know? Gah.

MUTANT BUDDY: Haha, untying me? We make friends via battle to the death! Did you not see Anya and Clarke’s badass fight? Clarke bonked Anya with a skull, it was hardcore.
SPACE VIZIER: Owwww.
SPACE PREZ: Vizier?!
SPACE VIZIER: Your Spacejesty!
SPACE PREZ: Oh no, if you’re here, who’s making the bad decisions for our people now?!
SPACE VIZIER: And what’s going to happen to us?
MUTANT BUDDY: Welcome to Mutant Thunderdome.

HOSTAGES: We’re outtie.
MURPHY: I understand. Call me later.
FINN: *starts shooting everyone*
MURPHY: Finn, you are shaming me!

GUNFIRE: sounds
CLARKE: That is the sound of bad decision-making. Run!
FINN: Who’s the murder princess now, huh? Who’s the murder princess now?

OCTAVIA: …
BELLAMY: …
CLARKE: …
FINN: Everyone kept saying ‘why doesn’t Finn ever do a thing?’ Well, I told you I should never do anything! I told you and told you!
FINN: Oh hey, babe.
CLARKE: …

I think we can all agree what really important thing was accomplished in episode 5: Everyone washed their faces.

Tags:

Comments

( 26 comments — Leave a comment )
loltergeist
Nov. 21st, 2014 11:25 am (UTC)
REDSHIT: Splat.

This has got to be my favourite typo ever. such perfect serendipity. I can't stop laughing.

And who is this Finn you keep talking about?
sarahtales
Nov. 21st, 2014 08:06 pm (UTC)
... OH MY GOD.
chelseagirl
Nov. 21st, 2014 11:26 am (UTC)
You make watching this show worthwhile.

I am considering reading these all aloud to my husband, who watches with me.

I am totally femslashing Clarke and Raven, who are the only people worth a damn on the planet (at least since they killed Wells, bastards!), but I could also go along with Clarke/Bellamy, Raven/Wick, Octavia/Lincoln, Finn/nobody . . .
sarahtales
Nov. 21st, 2014 08:07 pm (UTC)
Clarke and Raven are beautiful princesses. I like all those ships, though admittedly I thought Octavia/Lincoln was weird at the start, but I'm a sucker for a lady rescuing her dudesel in distress. ;)

...Who is Finn?
frabjouslinz
Nov. 21st, 2014 08:23 pm (UTC)
I do really love your parodies. I mean, I love other stuff you write, too. (Obvs, since I think I have bought/raved over most of it.) So thank you for taking time to do it, I bet it was not insubstantial, and yay! Silly parody time!

Who is Finn?
sarahtales
Nov. 21st, 2014 09:55 pm (UTC)
Aw, I am glad. Sometimes I am like, gosh I sink too much time into stuff, so it is lovely to know it is liked!

(And of course, I don't sink half as much time into doing anything as I do into doing nothing...)
enna_ssu
Nov. 21st, 2014 08:53 pm (UTC)
Love those parodies
my favourite in this:

BELLAMY: Wait. Those three little words. I have to hear them from you.
CLARKE: … We need guns?
BELLAMY: I’ve missed us.

-----------------

I think at this point we all would've preferred Finn to stand around, instead of doing stuff.

I don't think the Finn actor is especially gifted, but his face when he saw Clarke ... empty, with a touch of crazy eyes and completely ignoring the people he just murdered

wow

-------------------

Sadly, next episode will be week after next, I can't wait - the cliffhangers in season 2 have been horrid.
sarahtales
Nov. 21st, 2014 11:06 pm (UTC)
Re: Love those parodies
I was actually tweeting about this turn for Finn, and if you do not mind I will reproduce it for you.

I feel Finn's actually coming together now-as this entitled dude whose smug though well-meaning worldview is unravelling. The 'I found you' thing is of a piece with the rest : Finn sees himself as designated hero-so what he did to raven is OK & he's always sure of Clarke.

Bellamy does the same thing as Finn except casting himself as the villain. While Clarke sees people differently, interpreting them for herself: she's always telling Bellamy who he is ('that's who you are', 'you may be an ass half the time', 'you did good'), her people who they are ('we are not Grounders.'). She tells Raven she's right about herself ('I'd pick you first.').

But Bellamy believes Clarke, & Finn doesn't. He believed in his own story about himself. Which is totally natural and understandable for both guys-Finn liked his story & Bellamy hated his.

This is also one of the many reasons why Finn/Clarke/Bellamy doesn't move like a traditional love triangle even if-big if-all parties are interested. it doesn't occur to Bellamy Clarke might like him-even platonically. He thinks she doesn't: he thinks she thinks he's a jerk who there's something worthwhile about, and even that's a lot. He thought so all s1. (Hence in the hug scene you can see 2 stages of shock. 1) Clarke is alive & present 2) WHAT IS SHE DOING?.) He's not thinking about Finn or how he measures up to Finn, because his relationship with Clarke is about Clarke's evaluation of him.

While Finn is like 'I'm awesome. Raven thought I was awesome. Clarke will think so too.' And she does for a time, because he has good points. But then she finds out about Raven, and refuses to be part of his tragic love story in which he's still the hero--'it's nothing we can't stop.'

We've all read books/seen movies/shows where we're like 'Does the text realise that the designated good guys are actually doing really terrible things--it's not okay just because Word of God says they're the good guys.' (Tricky, because it's always interesting to see good guys do bad things--you just want the text to acknowledge it.) And we all know people who think: I'm basically a good person, and then are able to justify some actually heinous behaviour. Finn's actions at the end of episode 5 seem like the text acknowledging, so now we're dealing with the fact this guy has done something that really truly doesn't fit in with his view of himself and see if (after the first moment, where he clearly--and I thought that was done well--can't) he can acknowledge that.

Finn may now be at a crossroads where he either HAS to let the story about himself change (which is the hope for his salvation) or can't (which means his spiral). Also interesting.

Ironically, Finn & Bellamy agreed on Bellamy--they both thought he was a bad guy, & Finn was incredulous Clarke disagreed, and took issue with it.

I could be entirely wrong about everything, of course--the 100 has good pacing but strange beats, characterisation wise--but this at least means I feel calmer and happier and even more interested in Finn, instead of going 'Why is Smug Designated Love Interest now Wells? If they needed Wells, we had one...'

So--yes, a character doing stuff is a character's salvation. As is perhaps obvious.
(Anonymous)
Nov. 22nd, 2014 12:45 am (UTC)
Re: Love those parodies
Wow, totally agree with everything here re. Finn. It almost makes me sad that they're probably going to kill him off in episode 8. You know, almost.
sarahtales
Nov. 22nd, 2014 01:06 am (UTC)
Re: Love those parodies
Who can say--people are predicting it, but the 100 often lobs one out of left field. Raven loves Finn and might do something unwise for him--no Lord spare her. Bellamy explicitly says he feels responsible for Finn and might do something unwise himself--that would be show suicide, though.

I am open to a storyline about Finn living or dying, though either way please God ease up on the smugness: his attitude of entitlement toward Clarke is v. unappealing. I don't want a storyline where his spacewalking is retconned, but fear it is in the works.
(Anonymous)
Nov. 22nd, 2014 07:52 am (UTC)
Re: Love those parodies
Ugh, definitely agree; if he's going to live, please make him a fully formed character instead of a smug one-note! I'd prefer this, honestly; I'm much more in favor of a complex character arc than the easy 'downward spiral, redemptive death, memorial episode' formula. But based on the titles for episodes 7-9, I'm afraid it's going to be the latter.
wildpear
Nov. 30th, 2014 06:13 am (UTC)
Re: Love those parodies
And we all know people who think: I'm basically a good person, and then are able to justify some actually heinous behaviour. Finn's actions at the end of episode 5 seem like the text acknowledging

God, I hope so. Pretty much has to be. That was so blatant.

(When even Murphy's horrified, you know you have problems. Then again, a show that wants to convince me Murphy cares about this stuff now is . . . stretching my trust a little.)
sarahtales
Nov. 30th, 2014 02:50 pm (UTC)
Re: Love those parodies
I do not understand the Murphy redemption. I can forgive hanging Bellamy, no problem--Murphy cared about that, and clearly felt legitimately betrayed. It's the burning people and peeing on people and casually killing people--like, how to ignore that there really was a reason besides the circumstantial evidence that everyone 100% believed he killed Wells, and that was he appeared to be a sadist. But it seems to be where we're going, and I guess the show also acts as if the adults aren't unforgivably corrupt too.

Sigh. I agree with you, Bellamy. http://apriki.tumblr.com/post/102580468988/bellamys-road-trip-from-hell-continues
wildpear
Nov. 30th, 2014 04:44 pm (UTC)
Re: Love those parodies
Appropriate captions are appropriate, yes.

how to ignore that there really was a reason besides the circumstantial evidence that everyone 100% believed he killed Wells, and that was he appeared to be a sadist


YES. I just . . . this guy was terrifying LONG BEFORE the whole hanging thing. And I believe in the possibility of redemption, even in extreme cases (but it's long and arduous and has to be earned) but I was looking at this guy and just thinking: Look. He's gotta be put down. He doesn't see anyone else as real, he's angry and vicious, he's terrifyingly good at pretending, he won't stop, and he shows absolutely no remorse.

Raven pulled the trigger and THERE WAS NO CONFLICT THERE. It was what needed to be done. The only upsetting thing in that moment was her lack of a bullet. I mean, I was proud of Clarke and Bellamy for giving him a second chance because it showed that they were holding on to their integrity as leaders, and it showed Bellamy's respect for Clarke's judgment, but it was a highly questionable call even then. And then murdered people in their sleep. And he shot Raven. Not in the hand, or the leg, but in the spine. Maybe he's just not a good enough shot to choose under those circumstances, but since he's never hesitated to kill before, I dunno. And HE ACTUALLY WANTS TO TELL THE PERSON HE SHOT IN THE SPINE ABOUT HIS PAIN AND HOW JUSTIFIED IT IS. And then I could quote you to yourself about his response to her surgery, but I already did that below ;)

I don't see any real sign, beyond not dropping Bellamy off a cliff, that he's changed. He hasn't EARNED any kind of change or growth. He still wants acceptance, but he can't survive without it. He was horrified by what Finn did, but is there any recognition of himself in Finn's actions? I don't think so. I don't think Murphy is capable of seeing himself as ever having done anything actually wrong. And that scares the crap out of me.

I would like to think that the show understands what it has created: that this is not a character who can be redeemed without breaking down and rebuilding himself from the ground up, without genuine repentance and remorse and psychological/spiritual agony, and even then that it's extremely unlikely he could sustain that forever, that there would be serious relapses into this horrifying way of thinking and acting at the very least.

But he's 'just a kid' (like Clarke, yes? God I love you, Raven) and nobody wants to see a kid as unredeemable. And as you point out, even the adult characters keep being picked up and brushed off and presented to us as shiny and noble, almost no matter what they do. So I don't know. It'll be v. interesting to see where it goes.

(But as a side note, in some ways they're doing consistent characterization so WELL. Raven and Clarke and Bellamy are always themselves, often spectacularly so, and that gives me life and hope! Space Vizier is . . . consistent in his complete and total inability to be consistent? Which is an approach to characterization, I suppose, even if I find it a bit dizzying personally.)

This got LONG. I have a wordiness problem, as you know. ;) Looking forward to seeing what happens next!


enna_ssu
Nov. 22nd, 2014 12:29 pm (UTC)
One thing I've not understood yet, is why they not all know each other a lot better.

There were 3.000 people on the arc, with an 1-child policy you would have a age pyramid standing on its head.

So there should have been only a few hundred people under 25.

Not everyone would have been besties, but you would remember names and a few basic facts about everyone in your age group +/- 3 years.

I don't get it.

Any thoughts?
sarahtales
Nov. 22nd, 2014 03:19 pm (UTC)
The only thing I can think of is strict separation of groups: definitely the 'privileged' as Clarke and Wells don't seem to know anyone else their own age. But like the blood type thing, there are a lot of things I'm going 'weeeelll' about... I guess it's interesting to see what bothers who!
(Anonymous)
Nov. 23rd, 2014 04:48 am (UTC)
I love your Bellamy voice. Murder princess!

A Clarke-Bellamy romantic arc is probably inevitable, because CW, but I have loved the entire evolution of their relationship thus far and would be tickled pink if they didn't go there. The world needs more platonic boy-girl friendships grounded in bonding over murder.
sarahtales
Nov. 24th, 2014 01:02 am (UTC)
I'm trash, because I theoretically agree that more strong boy/girl platonic bonds should exist, but when shown them (Pacific Rim, Captain America 2) I'm like 'get married.' Maybe because the idea of romantic partnership as something that comes to be through trials and evolving respect is much more romantic to me than other romance models I have seen.

So, I super want them to kiss and get a romantic vibe from them. Also, just--I like romances, and I think they add to a story, and I can see no other romance I'd want for Clarke. Unless they went with Raven. I'd support that! Raven too deserves better and deserves to be appreciated. (I welcome this Wick guy if he will do it. I was terrified for a moment they were going in a Raven/Murphy direction and lord no.)

Edited at 2014-11-24 01:02 am (UTC)
(Anonymous)
Nov. 24th, 2014 03:46 am (UTC)
Clarke/Raven all the way! Yes! Really, none of the dudes on this show are good enough for either of them.

Which is something I'd normally cast a little bit of side-eye at. I think it's a very common thing that the boy protagonists get the lion's share of the "I am struggling to be a hero even though my inclination is to be a selfish dirtbag!" sorts of plots, while the girl protagonists are just too busy being strong female characters with mostly externalized conflicts. The old canard about how if you're a boy, goodness is something you do, whereas if you're a girl, it's something you are. It'd have been cool if Bellamy were a girl, especially because girl characters who act like Bellamy usually end up getting the full-on villain treatment.

... but actually, I like the characterization of Clarke and Raven a whole lot. I suppose it goes to show that even tropes we feel are too common (and maybe even a little bit sexist, in a well-intentioned way) can be awesome when done well.
sarahtales
Nov. 24th, 2014 02:55 pm (UTC)
Guys of colour who act like Bellamy usually get the full-on villain treatment too, so I'm very happy with Bellamy while I also welcome a villainous lady. ;)

Clarke and Raven's characterisations are great. Clarke is just so relentless, and Raven has a lot of things more usually given to a boy--arrogance and expertise--which she wears so well.

I maintain my own Clarke/Bellamy ship but can admit Clarke/Raven is a very good ship. It is sad that it is unlikely for a show to go there with their main characters. Indeed, I would be really happy if there was any LGBTQ representation on the show at all... *waits in hope*
(Anonymous)
Nov. 24th, 2014 11:51 pm (UTC)
Fair enough! The good ship Blarkamy (Clellamarke? gosh, I am terrible at this) is a fine, seaworthy vessel, while Ravenlarke is sure to remain forever moored in platonic harbor.

Re: LGBTQ representation, the CW seems a bit more reluctant to go there than some of the other US networks, especially with their genre shows. Seems odd to me, given their target demographic of women aged 18-34 (have these network execs seen tumblr?). But perhaps the success of shows like Pretty Little Lairs elsewhere will erode the conventional wisdom over time.
sarahtales
Nov. 25th, 2014 01:42 am (UTC)
Bellarke, I believe. ;)

Now you come to mention it about the CW... I love their programming and its risk-taking, and it's true that hasn't been part of its risk-taking. I was super disappointed by the hasty dispatch of the only gay character on the Vampire Diaries. I think there's another now, but it's season six, I should hope so. Though I understand there was an important bisexual character called Sara on Arrow, but she was murdalised. (Her girlfriend may still be around?)

Grim in other words. I hear the 100 has said there will be some, but so did Once Upon A Time and then Mulan vaguely came out and was never seen again. I really hope there is some and it is someone substantial. (The only way I'd want Murphy to live, really...)
wildpear
Nov. 30th, 2014 06:10 am (UTC)
MURPHY: Ah, Raven screaming in surgery. That was me.
BELLAMY: Yes, I know. You shot her.
MURPHY: I mean I was tortured by the Grounders. My suffering was enormous. Let me tell you about i-
BELLAMY: Your absorbing interest in ur own pain while a woman you shot screams in agony is v. uninteresting.

CLARKE’S MOM: Are you going to execute me?
SPACE VIZIER: I have to go make peace with the mutants so I’m making you president! Do you have whiplash?
SPACE VIZIER: Oooh, unfortunate turn of words. My B.

MURPHY: Hostages, I am sorry. You’re embarrassed, hostages. I’m embarrassed. Finn’s being embarrassing. He’s like that drunk persistent guy you bring to a party, except he has a machine gun.
FINN: Tell me or I kill you all!
MURPHY: I swear, I barely know him. It’s just he’s my ride home, you know? Gah.

CLARKE: *hugs* Because we’re a true sromance.
RAVEN: Sros 4 lyfe.
CLARKE: Sympathies on your leg.
RAVEN: Dealing with it awesomely. Am awesome.


OMG. I adore you. Also, am keeping sromance and sros. Because of reasons.

m_sycorax
Dec. 5th, 2014 02:52 am (UTC)
ME: But I *want* to read Sarah-parodies on my lunch break!
FUTURE ME: Fool! Don't you know by now that you cannot read Sarah-parodies while imbibing liquids of any kind?!
(Anonymous)
Dec. 5th, 2014 02:04 pm (UTC)
Hi-larious!
(Anonymous)
May. 12th, 2015 07:06 am (UTC)
Could you please please post a second half of season 2 parody?? I am waiting for it with almost as much bated breath as for season 3 of the hundred. Also I have a friend who is suffering from a horrible illness and can't read from screens so I printed off your parodies of this and the Korean soap He's Beautiful because I feel it will dull her pain significantly. So it would be the ultimate act of kindness really if you think about it!!!

Also I am eternally sad that you never finished that parody. Even though I watched that soap all the way through and it was glorious. But I forgive you because I am pretty much a saint.
( 26 comments — Leave a comment )

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