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How It Happened

It is June, and tomorrow I will be a happy but nervous wreck. But before I do finally stumble right into publication, I wanted to make a final stumbling towards publication post.

Several people have asked 'But how did you write this book?' And I found this question a little puzzling, since I wrote the book the same way I'd written more than twenty others: sitting propped up on four pillows in bed when I should have been sleeping, curled up in front of the television with my friends or my family, sitting outside on a beach or under a tree, on the sly when I should have been working. I've been writing my whole life: it's what I do.

I told the hopefully-funny incidents of researching the book, being mistaken for a health inspector or an overenthusiastic fan of mechanics or a knife-wielding lunatic (well... I haven't actually told you that story yet, but I have no doubt I will). But I finally figured out that people might mean: what did you feel when you wrote it, what were you doing as you wrote it. Who were you, while that book was happening?

And that question I can answer. I suppose it starts with me returning from New York. I'd loved that city, and returning home I felt displaced: I wasn't sure what the next step in my life was going to be. I ended up moving to England at the end of the summer to do an MA in publishing and writing, and then to work part-time in a library to see whether librarianing might be what I wanted to do (all I knew was, it was going to be something to do with books) and also to keep me in toasted cheese sandwiches.

The summer before England, though, I was at rather a loose end. I missed New York, was feeling dubious about my future, and I was having personal problems that, well, do not belong on the world wide web. But they meant that I couldn't write.

I do not know how people who do not write cope at all. Without having characters and stories to think about at all my odd moments, I go sort of crazy with boredom. Apparently the Marquis de Sade wrote on the walls of his lunatic asylum in blood. I go jogging.

I never, ever go jogging otherwise. My parents were extremely alarmed. 'Fine! Fine! I'm feeling fine!' I'd tell them, and then I'd go running out on the beach, running and running until I was exhausted and the buzzing urge to write something faded, because I could not think of anything to write.

It was August or late July, and I was collapsed on the sofa while my father watched a very dull documentary. And then something about it caught my attention: my head came up, and after it was over I had a few images in my head. I went upstairs to the computer and started to use wikipedia in a flailing sort of way, sure that I was onto something and not quite sure what: I ended up, among other things, reading essays on Stephen King's Pet Sematary. In the morning my sister Gen came in and stared at me. 'Have you been here all night?' she asked warily. 'Is it morning?' I asked vaguely, drawing something. '... What is that?' she continued. 'Is it a sheep?' My drawing skills are legendary. I have all the artistic ability of a squirrel who has fits. 'It's a demon's mark!' I said triumphantly. 'Oh...' Gen said. 'Right.' She looked at me, a little doubtful, but Genevieve is much more used to having a sister chained to a computer than jogging on the beach. 'Have fun,' she concluded, and went off to eat breakfast.

I was so relieved and so happy just to be writing again, I was in kind of a frenzy. This was not so great for my friends, who I was due to go on a trip with to London. We walked about museums with me scribbling on random envelopes. I sat outside Westminster Abbey and told them all the new stories running around my head. We unexpectedly encountered a naked stranger in our hotel room, and even this did not really shake me from my writing haze. At one point in a bar, the Durham Lass edged us a little away down the bar, and instead of saying 'Sarah, you are a lunatic, put down your pen, we are on holiday' she talked patiently and at length with me about timelines as I made notes on a bar napkin. 'Thank you,' I said at the end, a little calmer. 'I'll name a character after you.'

She just smiled and nodded, bless her. (I did name a character after her.)

I was well into chapter four by the time I moved to England and to live with Penelope, one of the Seven Wonderful Flatmates of the World. We were living in quite a small town near England, and I did not click with the place in the same way I had with New York. It took me a while to make friends. Eventually I did make them, and in the end England was wonderful, but I was a little lonely at first. But I was writing again, so it didn't matter: taking the train down to Salisbury on the weekend to research, scribbling by the side of the cricket pitch near our flat, playing insane amounts of country music, which Penelope never pointed out in some countries probably qualifies as flatmate torture and grounds for eviction. In January I finished the first draft, and said in a dazed way 'I'm done.'

I wasn't, of course. There were rewrites to get started on almost immediately, and while I was doing those midnight madness and my addiction to agents' blogs impelled me to query Kristin Nelson, and then she asked to see a few chapters - and then a while later the whole thing, and then she offered to represent me. But, she said, she'd like me to do some more rewrites, and she knew I had another offer of representation. Which I did - I hadn't queried anyone else, but a very excellent agent for a friend of mine had been so extremely kind as to express interest, and she send she'd send the book out to editors right away. Either way I would have been in great hands, but - well, I loved the thoughts Kristin had, and I wanted my book to be the best book I could make it. I signed with Kristin and spent some more months rewriting, and have never regretted that.

I was so excited about signing with an agent. Every time I'd started a book since I was a kid, I thought: well, maybe this one is the one, and of course I was thinking more and more. Maybe, just possibly, this one would be published, and even if it wasn't I knew Kristin would stick with me as I wrote more books until one was. I would plan things out with Penelope, who is pretty much a chain-smoking angel.

This book had a protagonist probably only I would like, and gay characters, and no eternal romance to speak of. I was fairly sure it wasn't commercial. If this book got published, of course it would be very small, but I could build on that, and then maybe in about ten years I might be doing quite well...

So the book went out to editors. 'Sales are slow in summer' said Kristin. 'Buy a lot of ice-cream. Prepare for a long wait.' I did. Penelope was in Greece at the time, but my English friends (and a couple of my friends visiting from America, which was wonderful timing!) rallied around. I bought ridiculous amount of raspberry sorbet ice lollies. I was set for my long wait.

The book went out Tuesday. An editor called Kristin with an offer Thursday. There were more offers. I listened to what Kristin was saying with polite bewilderment. I freaked out with a couple of my friends, one who called from America and stayed on the phone for about a million hours telling me soothingly about fairytales. I wondered what I was going to do with all that ice-cream.

I was much too overwrought to sleep in my bed. I went and lay down on the kitchen floor. I possibly caught a couple of hours napping with the toaster as a pillow. The sun came up and it was all sinking in, and the sky was turning violet and pink and gold.

Like all dreams come true, it came with stress, panic and terror as well as incredulous joy: the move back to Ireland, the fretting over whether I could edit the book well enough, which I could control, and what else I could or should be doing, and about things like covers which of course I couldn't control much at all, but I worried anyway! In the midst of a million different feelings, I have felt extremely grateful: to my agent and editor and publisher for both taking such a chance with me, and to my friends, who have been unbelievably amazing: comforting, advising, occasionally whacking me with whatever was to hand (teapots, books, one very upset salmon) and to you guys. I have had an astonishing sounding board which most first-time writers don't have: I've used this blog to talk about my life and its various mishaps for years, and when I got my agent and especially when I got my book deal the congratulations just poured in. One of the things I miss the very most due to the recent hideous hacking is losing all the kind words on that post. And people reading the stumbling towards publication posts I started putting up have come with me on a journey that I really needed companionship on: this blog meant that at cons, there were some strangers I could chat with, that waterbird came to my signing at the London Book Fair and brought me brownies, and that when this journal was deleted hanelissar and many others rushed to help me.

Thank you all very much for that. Tomorrow the book comes out, and I am scared and exhilarated and thrilled and still, very grateful. Whatever happens next, I have had amazing moments on this journey with you - and right now I feel like I'm lying on the kitchen floor again, with the sky turning violet and pink and gold.


( 168 comments — Leave a comment )
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Jun. 1st, 2009 08:06 pm (UTC)
I have tears in my eyes right now, silly as that may be. It's been a privilege to follow you on this journey since you announced the deal back in 2007 and learn about the process with you. Future congratulations for tomorrow when DL will officially be out and, uh... yay!
Jun. 1st, 2009 08:09 pm (UTC)
This was an awesome publication road story. Also, icon. *hugs and hugs*! YAY BOOK!
Jun. 1st, 2009 09:36 pm (UTC)
*hugs yay* One day I hope to have a SQUILLIONTY books out like you!
(no subject) - mizkit - Jun. 1st, 2009 09:38 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - sarahtales - Jun. 1st, 2009 09:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 1st, 2009 08:09 pm (UTC)
Well, I'm wishing you all the best and hope you will see the book's success raise beyond your wildest dreams ^__^

Congratulations on a dream coming true!
Jun. 1st, 2009 08:10 pm (UTC)
you are teh awsometastic, and i have certainly enjoyed reading you posts so i figure that reading your book will be just as good. you sense of live, how you live it, the fun you have long the way and how you write about it here is wonderful and of course the love affair with the toaster, *giggles*

i wish you will on your publishing day and hope that everything runs smoothly or that you can throw something at hand, at it and it goes back to be smooth running. in the mean time i will pop down to the bookstore and prod them (should i take a salmon)till they provide me with a copy of your book.. *nods*

congratulations and yay

*twirls around*
Jun. 1st, 2009 08:10 pm (UTC)
Wow. This was great, thanks for sharing with us.

Very inspiring. :)
Jun. 1st, 2009 08:12 pm (UTC)
Jun. 1st, 2009 08:15 pm (UTC)
Thank you for sharing this with us!
btw, how come I could get my copy by Amazon.de already days ago???
And so far, I LOVE it!!!!
Jun. 1st, 2009 08:18 pm (UTC)
Well, unless one is a superstar with a Strict Laydown Date (JK Rowling, Stephenie Meyer, etc) publishing dates are more sort of guidelines.

I'm so glad. :)
Jun. 1st, 2009 08:16 pm (UTC)
You are amazing.

I began following your blog because of your fanfics (so many of my best friends in the world were met through my fandom loves, and one day, I would love the opportunity to shake your hand and indulge in the crazy that seems to surround you) and then I discovered how amazing you were, yourself, in your real life. (I like crazy.)

And then you started talking about how your book was being published, and you set me spinning.

Someone I know was publishing a real, solid book.
(well... you're not publishing it, but you wrote it, and soon it will be in my hands to read)

Like yourself, I've been a writer... all my life. From the moment I could pick up a pencil and put words on the paper, I've written stories. Since I was five or six years old, it was a dream of mine to get it published.

But I am absolute crap at finishing things (often, even at starting them) and it was relegated to 'One day, maybe the day before I die or something.'

And then I heard your story, and my baby was born. Eversong, it's called, and I'm currently at about ten pages of notes, a map, two complete outlines, and twelve thousand words. In addition the YA idea, the crime/suspense idea, the vampire idea, and the DID idea, none of which are as complete as Eversong. Because of your amazing blogged adventures about what you've gone through, you gave me the strength to realise a dream.

When I realised that your journal had been hacked, and you were not, in fact, moving to a russian website (which I discovered at four in the morning, and was more confused by than anything) I was devastated. Not nearly as much as you were, of course, but still.

And now I'll wrap up my adoration with a ... somewhat.. kinda, maybe personal question. Did you have any difficulties living in New York? I'm at a point in my life where my every other thought is "Anywhere but here." I've got to get out of this little city that I've lived in practically my whole life, but I'm terrified to move to New York. It's so huge! Very high on my list of possible future homes are Scotland, England, or Ireland (I have family there, so fear not! I'm not stalking you. Well, I could if you wanted me to. But it would be friendly-type stalking, and not the creepy "I'm going to kill you"-type stalking.) But my Uncle (who lives in West Yorkshire) told me that it's very difficult for people (read; Americans) to LIVE in the UK, and I wondered if it was difficult at all for you (coming FROM the UK) to live in America.
Jun. 1st, 2009 09:09 pm (UTC)
Well, it was different: occasionally you have moments staring at each other because you don't know what the other person's saying, and Americans boil kettles on stoves and sometimes make tea in microwaves, which horrifies me, but people are people, anywhere you go. I suggest visiting a city before you move there, to see if you feel like you'd click with it, and having a plan for what to do when you're there and then, well - feel the terror and do it anyway!
(no subject) - missleliz - Jun. 2nd, 2009 02:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - sarahtales - Jun. 2nd, 2009 02:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - slythwolf - Jun. 5th, 2009 01:32 am (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 1st, 2009 08:17 pm (UTC)
Even when you are famous I shall always refer to you as "That author on LJ who spent her graduation day flapping her gown-clad arms and announcing 'I'm Batman'."
Jun. 1st, 2009 08:19 pm (UTC)
Congratulations once again, and I wish you the very best for your book release, I can't wait to read it. It's been wonderful following all your entries about it.
(Deleted comment)
Jun. 1st, 2009 08:21 pm (UTC)
Jun. 1st, 2009 08:21 pm (UTC)
A thousand good wishes. You really deserve it. And thanks for letting us in on your mad, irish journey.

Jun. 1st, 2009 08:23 pm (UTC)
Sarah, I know, probably we all know, that we are unbelievably lucky to have see you before you showed yourself to the rest of the world. I'm probably not the only one who's rambling to my parents about how "my authoress" is going to be published in XX countries, and how I can't wait to get my hands on her book, and how do I get her book?, and explaining my friends that I want this book from unknown author because I found her on the net and she's plain amazing. We're all here, and tonight we're celebrating as much as you do. You're an amazing authoress and I loved all your works, and I'm sure I will love the book also. Do not worry, the words may not come back but they left their impression with you, and new ones are sure to come.

I cannot wait for posts tagged 'publication'! My warmest congratulations on publishing your book!
Jun. 1st, 2009 08:23 pm (UTC)
I can honestly say after spending several more years than I can rememmer, reading your fanfic stories, and watching you 'stumble' on this journey, that although we are not friends, over the last few years you have never failed to make me laugh, both with your writing and your stories about life.

You bring a warm humour to everything you touch, you relate to people on a level very few others do. You always have time to talk to explain to guide others along that path. Your love of books and stories is boundless and as a lover myself, very appreciated, as you have introduced me to some wonderful writers and I really couldnt see this happen to a nicer, friendlier person.

Your book is going to do awesomly well, because you my dear are awesome

I so look forward to reading it, and squeeing, and I hope the next few months are wonderful, as you finally get to share that gift, that we were al kucky enough to share with you through your earliest writings.

Jun. 1st, 2009 08:26 pm (UTC)
Aww. This entry makes me really happy. Thank you! Both for mentioning that you wrote twenty books before this one, which is immensely cheering, and for being, y'know, generally awesome. :D

*pokes bookstore to make them hurry up and ship TDL already*
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