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Four Days. Four Planes. No Waiting

Today was a very peaceful day for me. Restful. Serene. I have not been on a plane for twenty-four hours.

'Surely,' you might say to yourselves with a puzzled frown, 'Surely, Sarah, that is a common state of affairs?'

So you might think.

On Friday I flew from Dublin to London, where I had a photoshoot for Company magazine. It was held in a laundrette: I was told they once held one in a biker bar. It was me, a lady who sells ceramics, and two other ladies who run a boot camp, and the idea was all to be extremely glamorous and strike fabulous poses, offset by the ordinary surroundings of a laundrette.

Of course not being the glamour model type, I instantly made some terrible mistakes. As for instance, I assumed that the elderly lady whisking her clothes out of a washing machine was involved in the photoshoot.

SARAH: Do you just have to take the clothes in and out all day?
SARAH: Oh right. Right. Sorry, I understand.
OLD LADY: *eyes soften*
SARAH: You have to stay in character, right?

The other ladies in the photoshoot were, to use an eighties phrase, stone cold foxes, which was intimidating, but the wonderful magazine people made me look quite nice. I was in a rather daring red corset dress, which I believe only horrified the elderly lady more: all she wanted was lemony fresh laundry, and she was accosted by a minx with a plunging neckline and eyelashes that were black as my sinful heart.

Afterwards I just missed meeting orexisbella to my woe, and then caught up with Cassandra Clare and our friends Josh and Clary.

Everyone was very taken aback by my upswept hair and impeccable eye make-up. And by the way I entered the room.

EVERYONE: *stare*
SARAH: This is the most glamorous I will ever be. I hope it was good for you.

They thought it might be the start of a whole new radiantly lovely me, but I woke up the next day with my usual Scared Hedgehog do, and that dream died.

Saturday we got the plane from London to Scotland.

We arrived in Glasgow and upon entering my hotel room I discovered a man directly below my window playing a bagpipe. 'Yes, I realise this is Scotland,' I told the air. 'No need to overdo it: you have made yourself perfectly clear.'

At the Borders in Glasgow we were welcomed by the awesome booksellers, who gave us GIFTS. Chocolate and one pink and purple sock monkey each! I was so delighted.

SARAH: ... CASSIE. I have a NOTION. Our sock monkeys.
CASSIE: Uh, I think my sock monkey is a pacifist.
BOOKSELLER: All sock monkeys are pacifists.
SARAH: Not my sock monkey. I see the light of battle in his button eyes.

My sock monkey's button eyes searched for new worlds to conquer. I named him Alexander. As Cassie refused to name hers, I named him Gandhi.

Everybody agreed that I should not bring Alexander out to meet our awesome audience. I feel this was a mistake.

Nevertheless we had a fabulous event! Cassie was poised and winning: I mostly told crazy stories and aired ridiculous theories about books. We passed around a box for questions called The Demon's Instrument's Question Box, and I read out from The Demon's Covenant and Cassie read out from The Clockwork Angel, as they are both not yet published and thus thrilling and secret.

Afterwards we gave out copies of the first chapters. I was meant to have a system, but I forgot it completely and sort of vaguely waved copies at people. I apologise if someone feels robbed because they did not get a chapter!

Also my lovely Scottish cousin came by and gave me a box of chocolate.

SARAH: Aw, thank you!
CASSIE: Whoa, did that girl give you chocolates?
SARAH: Yes, she's... (pause) She's a big fan.

Oh, the evilness of me!

I like Scotland a lot. Sock monkeys, chocolate, book lovers and excellent questions, what is not to love?

The answer: bagpipes.

The next day, I flew from Glasgow to Dublin, where I re-packed my tiny bag, collapsed in a heap, had my first kaffee klatsch with some awesome students, and then flew back to London where I attended Cassie's London party. I was primed to put up my hand and ask her ridiculous questions, but unfortunately there were too many fans with great questions, and also she refused to call on me.

I met many great people there as well, and also had an opportunity to harass Maureen Johnson, which I enjoy doing.

SARAH: You should write a book. Set in Dublin.
MAUREEN: I should get the boat to Ireland and have an adventure!
SARAH: Yes! You should stay with me. We could have cereal fights.
MAUREEN: Explain yourself. If the plan is not sufficiently crazy, I will not agree.
SARAH: You take the plastic bag of cereal out of the cereal box. You open it, fill it with milk, and then tie the bag up again. Then, you hit each other on the head with your bags of cereal until the bags EXPLODE.
MAUREEN: ... Agreed.

Sales continue steady but not up for the US Demon's Lexicon: remember to harass your friends and your genetically engineered to read household pets, so as to get the next part of Sorcerer and Stone next week! In the meantime, The Demon's Lexicon just sold in Indonesia and the Czech Republic, so give me five and let off some fireworks in a remote location out of doors!

Tomorrow I give a talk with two other lovely author ladies about Demons, Fairies and Ghosts which may turn into an all-out fist fight. I could say that I will not start it, and the madness will not be entirely my fault, but I don't like to lie to you guys.

The day after Cassie and I fly back to Dublin, where we will have another Fabulous Event at 6:30 16th July, with readings and advance chapters and shenanigans, definitely crazy stories and perhaps a secret, ninja sock monkey appearance. Also there will be Mortal Instruments T-shirts and badges with Demon's Lexicon ravens and 'Of course Nick had to get rid of the body' on them.

I like my badges. My mother wears hers to the tennis club. They look at her with suspicion, these days. Who is Nick, they wonder to themselves, and where, oh where, is he putting the bodies?

Until next time, I hope you will be betting on me to win in the Demons, Fairies and Ghosts fist fight. If some canny librarian youtubes it, you can rely on me to provide you with a link.


( 115 comments — Leave a comment )
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Jul. 14th, 2009 10:32 pm (UTC)
Sheesh, I suspect that if I'd been paying attention to your book tour dates, I might've been able to startle you in the queue with 'Hi, I'm colubra'. Spent a fortnight moving London -> Edinburgh -> London, got back to the states just yesterday.
Jul. 14th, 2009 10:36 pm (UTC)
I will put my money on you in that fight. Especially if there's the possibility of seeing it on YouTube later :)
Jul. 14th, 2009 10:37 pm (UTC)
Oh so much love! I cackled so much reading this and it was not flattering! Wish I could join in with the madness. Wish I was Scottish, I like Scotland... Nice place.

Sock Monkey and Cereal fights. *nods* Is it bad that these concepts sound completely normal to me now? : )
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 14th, 2009 10:43 pm (UTC)
Well, the T-shirts are Cassie's because she is a superstar. ;) But Mortal Instruments, they could be suspicious too. And you could always add extra suspicion with one of my badges.
Jul. 14th, 2009 10:39 pm (UTC)
I love you author people so much.
Jul. 14th, 2009 10:40 pm (UTC)
Sarah, I am rather amazed that you are in Company magazine! Which issue will that be? You looked glamorous at your London event, and red is totes your colour, so I'm sure you looked simply STUNNING.

That cereal game sounds amazing. I am concerned however, to recall that Nick keeps flick knives in his cereal boxes, and believe that this could significantly alter the way the game plays out. Hmmm.

Also, you are now giving out entire first chapters of The Demon's Milkshake Covenant?! Is it available online? I haven't seen it anywhere if it is...
Jul. 14th, 2009 10:46 pm (UTC)
I do not know! Perhaps... the next issue! Everyone at Company magazine is really nice, so I suggest buying all the issues.

First chapter of The Demon's Covenant goes live in October, but these are presents for people for coming to my events! Also they are sneaky and unofficial, and may even be significantly changed by my editor. I feel this adds to the excitement.
(no subject) - altogetherisi - Jul. 14th, 2009 10:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - sarahtales - Jul. 14th, 2009 11:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 14th, 2009 10:40 pm (UTC)
I cannot wait to see these awesome laundrette photos! Also, I agree with khasael that a Sarah-Maureen cereal fight must happen, and that it must go immediately to YouTube.

I yammered on about your book a bunch at the con I attended this past weekend, BTW.
Jul. 14th, 2009 10:45 pm (UTC)
I am totally coming to the Dublin event. I'm quite excited. :)
Jul. 14th, 2009 10:47 pm (UTC)
You crack me up. I'm always glad to see a post because I know they'll be full of shenanigans and crazy stories. :D
Jul. 14th, 2009 10:53 pm (UTC)
Once I took 9 planes in 12 weeks, but I consider myself well and truly trumped by your jet-setting ways!

If you do not mind me asking, what do you and the other laundrette ladies have in common? I cannot see a connection. Unless you sekritly run a boot camp. Which I am not discounting, obviously.

Edited at 2009-07-14 10:53 pm (UTC)
Jul. 14th, 2009 10:57 pm (UTC)
I think generally being ladies with dreams we were fixed on and have miraculously accomplished. ;) And the ability to pose dramatically. To nobody's surprise, I laugh easily and on command.
Jul. 14th, 2009 10:53 pm (UTC)
That all sounds immensely exciting, even if it does mean that I am going to have to cave from my usual stand against Shiny Magazines of Evil and buy Company magazine. I may have to go to the newsagents incognito...

I am very sad that I am not in Scotland or in Ireland and so can go to no more events. (At least until next year!) One day, when I am wealthy from some inexplicable windfall, I shall be able to stalk my favourite authors as they tour around the world/United Kingdom. I look forward to it.
Jul. 14th, 2009 11:05 pm (UTC)
One day, Hannah, you and me both. One day *sigh*
(no subject) - slythwolf - Jul. 15th, 2009 03:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 14th, 2009 10:55 pm (UTC)
Wow. The world sounds so exciting. Maybe I should actually drag myself out there...
Jul. 14th, 2009 10:57 pm (UTC)
I have a sock monkey sitting on my desk right now.

I also have been pimping TDL to all of my friends...I am not even allowing them to borrow my copy, while I usually am the unofficial librarian.

OH NOES my sister just cleaned the sock monkey up.
Jul. 14th, 2009 10:58 pm (UTC)
I laughed myself silly about the Granny :L
The evilness of you is right! Haha
This Fabulous Event :D, whats it all like? I've never been to a book signing, and am proud to say my first will be with you two girls, however what do you do? Is it basic wait in line, give book to crazy Sarah and then go home? Badges... coool :P Could you PLEASE give out some TDC chapters or something for a fan to hang onto until publication?
Hope you dont get too jet-lagged :P
Jul. 14th, 2009 11:12 pm (UTC)
We do readings, and answer questions, and this usually leads to us telling stories. ;) I think the events are fun, and hopefully you will agree.

And when I sign your book for Shane, I promise you a chapter. And badges galore!
(no subject) - nickknights - Jul. 15th, 2009 01:13 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - sarahtales - Jul. 16th, 2009 11:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 14th, 2009 10:59 pm (UTC)
I am doing my best to sway everyone I know to buy your book. But my friends are mostly jobless and moneyless, and my coworkers look like they want to pat me on the head whenever I mention it.

I'm thinking that perhaps I should also make my brother read it for a report when he's back in school, and bring it in to show off the cover and words and such, and then sway all his goons to make their parents buy it. (My brother is something like a god or something; the other day we were at a stoplight and five people reached through his open window to touch him.)

Also, cereal fight seem messy. What if you used rice milk instead of normal milk? That way it would smell more like rice and less like milk, and that would smell more sweet, I think.
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( 115 comments — Leave a comment )


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